Just when you are looking forward to a break, one you feel you need and in fairness probably deserve even by you own exacting standards, the very people you hoped to spend the time with during the break decided that the agenda for the break has shifted and they want to discuss weighty matters or try and address longstanding semi intractable problems just when you would rather leave all that behind for a period of R&D.
Well I have a few days to manage expectations and try and align everyone’s goals, he is hoping for harmony
You know what its like the a joke gets circulated via the internet and it goes viral, then it comes back round again and again, over the years. what is interesting is how society changes. Typically I have seen sharing about subjects relating to genders go through several stages
- Stage 1 Items shared between men or between women but not between the genders
- Stage 2 Women share items with men, about women. The motivations for which vary depending on which women is sharing to which man. It can be a nudge to better behaviour or a vote of sympathy.
- Stage 3 – Men share something with women about men. Motivations are usually a peace offering or a naive attempt to get women to let men be men and encourage tolerance and forebearance of their behaviour
- Stage 4 Men may share with women something about women. In my view the most challenging option and not to be undertaken lightly
There is a grain a truth in all humour, the older I get the more I realise that this is true and perhaps humour is an outlet for those things we find most complicated and frustrating.
The item below represents a misogynist view of women and not to be encouraged in my view. so apologies to all women for this cynical view.
An over simplification of a man I feel but without doubt the complexity of engaging with some people of the female gender can lead to a sense that no matter what one does it is hard to understand the likely impact or reaction.
Perhaps the image below is a useful one to explain the challenge of not compartmentalising ones thoughts and allowing them to overflow ones day to day thinking. Focusing on what you can fix, prioritising them in the order of importance and finding a way to cope with that which cannot be resolved surely is the key to achieving balance.
The sense that men are purpose and objective driven is clear whilst women like to explore all possible options, which is why there can be real tension when working together.
This is more of an indictment of mans lack of desire to have a balanced relationship, without trying to achieve understanding men just give up and do their own thing and we find situations developing where situations get out of control and imbalance develops of years of a relationship.
I am living with someone who is loving, kind and helpful, except when they are tired, hungry or under pressure. Its not fun and i am trying a variety of approaches to protect myself and others from the experience. Remaining calm in spite of the outbursts, unreasonable behaviour and hurtful things almost seems to make it worse.
The fundamental issues from my perspective are that they seem to
- Need to blame someone else for the situation they are in
- Cannot see their own contribution to the situation
- Fail to see how immature they are being
- Be destructive
- Unable to calm down
But give it an hour or so and they are back to a lovely person and seemingly contrite about their outburst, but if you try and get them to discuss it and reflect on it in any meaningful sense it causes huge defensiveness and the risk of it going off again, there is always exscuses and reasons, hardest week, hardest day, unusual situation.
My worry is what should I do, it is depressing me, affecting others and I it is affecting someone I love
I find that I need to blog post at the moment of thinking about a thing, I have installed the iPhone App to help me do this but I found this week there were three of four moments when I need to either vent, reflect or express myself and either failed to act due to pressure of time commitments or circumstance.
What would i have blogged about but missed the moment?
An encounter with my beloved but eccentric wife who is at the mercy of her biorythms, emotions and in my view fatigue and blood sugar levels. As much as I know what the underlying causes of her disappointing behaviour I find it hard to tolerate it as it in my view is a sign of immaturity not to manage ones own emotions and behaviours.
Frustrations with work ethic of other people who talk a lot and don’t deliver either because they lack to organisational or technical skills to execute those activities they have taken on. I prefer to be planned and organised and seek to be proactive about what needs to be done and seek to ensure people are competent and offer them the ability to ask for help well in advance of deadlines. Frustrations comes when you are two weeks down the line with the deadline approaching and the reality of a situation is declared with people finally admitting they do not know how to do something. If that was not bad enough it is compounded by people who step in to supposedly fix the situation but in fact no even less and all they do is make gestures but do not fix it.
Inspiration – I went to an event during the weekend that i have been thinking about doing for a long while. I really enjoyed it, found a sense of peace and inspiration. I hope to go again and explore further.
Saddness – Having had a few hours off from responsibilities of a family nature to have it thrown back in my face by my wife as part of a self centered moan and nag about her needs which frankly are fully supported to the expense of other things.
Integrity – Standing up for a mature approach to situations and working calmly through the juvenile and petulant behaviour of my beloved.
It occurs to me that sitting here in an Italian early Saturday evening is quintessentially part of good family life
Pleasant mood, calm and happy
Joy of peace